Dear PRJ,
It’s been a while hasn’t it? Okay so what has happened? Why has everything almost completely turned to shit in the last month? Why have I almost felt that I don’t belong or deserve to be on the course anymore?
In December I had my heart broken. I fell into depression and self loathing. My emotions had never been so fucked in my life. Suddenly I felt I had no idea what direction I was going in anymore, or what my goals were. My last PRJ entry on December 18 was written just before all of this started, but the very quickly the effects of my situation spread into all other aspects of my life and the work I was doing. My attendance at college plummetted, I lost all motivation, and anything I did manage to create just felt lacking. In the end I pretty much gave up and cut myself off. What was the point? Nothing I was doing was making me feel any happier.
However.
Almost a month after all of this things have changed. I have changed. Whether or not this is a positive transition remains to be seen, but I feel better in my skin. I am a different person and one way or another I appear to be back on the rails. I’m going to grab this opportunity by the horns before it gets away and refocus myself on my art and the course. University applications are about to go off and interviews are looming so it really is make or break for the rest of this month. I am going to fill in the gaps in my journal/sketchbooks on my own time and completely dedicate myself to the project at hand. There is only up from here, and that’s where I plan on taking this.
